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1 Word, 2 Words, Dead Words, Used Words…

Forgotten Freedoms – Chapter 28

As the headiness of the moment threatened to consume Bryant, he decided he needed to move. Hopping to his feet as quickly as he could, Bryant asked her if she was ready for another one. He grinned like a madman when she held the empty beer bottle upside down for his inspection.

“Now that’s my kind of woman” Bryant teased as he took the empty from her. Sooz’s melodic laugh filtered above the music as he made his way to the kitchen and retrieved to more beers.

By the time he had returned to their spot on the living room floor, Soozie had grabbed a bunch of the throw pillows off the sofa and now lay on her side, using one to prop under her own arm. She looked so comfortable and relaxed now that it made Bryant’s heart squeeze tightly in his chest.

I could get used to this, he thought as he again got comfortable on his side, facing her. Ever since he had opened his mouth earlier in the night hurting her and then apologizing to her, he’d watched as Soozie often became lost in her own thoughts. Now was no different as Soozie gazed into the fire. Bryant thought she looked incredibly beautiful. He also thought he should stop drinking right this instant.

Of course, he didn’t.

At one point, Soozie sat up. Now Bryant was able to stare at her without the worry of being caught. Something he was completely enthralled with by the time Soozie next spoke.

“Did you sleep with her?”

Bryant blinked. It took a moment for Soozie’s words to actually penetrate the haze in his mind. “What?”

“Jade’s mother,” Sooz clarified while she turned to look at Bryant. “Did you have sex with her?”

“God no.” Bryant blurted out.

Sooz giggled. “I didn’t think so,” she admitted as she watched his face. “But I figured I’d ask.”

Bryant was floored.

“I can’t figure out why she has it in for me? What did I do? So I thought maybe she was truly a jilted lover. I’m sorry if I was out of line.” She apologized softly when Bryant couldn’t speak.

Now Sooz’s question made sense. Bryant smiled, shook his head in a way to dismiss her apology and glanced towards the flames. “Tori and I were good friends once, or I thought we were. But no, I never slept with or pursued that woman in a romantic manner – ever.”

Soozie nodded although her true question hadn’t been answered. She didn’t know why Tori Dunnigan ‘had it out for her’, but Bryant did. Watching the shadows of the fire dancing across Sooz’s profile, feeling the effects of spending a night with this woman in his arms, even if on a dance floor; Bryant quietly considered if he should tell Sooz his thoughts on the subject.

After today’s antics and tonight’s lies, Bryant had no doubt that Tori found Sooz to be a threat. For years Tori listened to Bryant has he spoke of the few women he dated. She’d have known, like Bryant did now that Sooz was definitely to Bryant’s liking. Sooz wouldn’t though and it was the idea of telling her that Bryant toyed with now.

Sooz had gone back to watching the fire, allowing Bryant to once again stare at her long, lean, freshly exposed neck. “I’m sorry she dragged you into this Sooz.” He found himself whispering without thought.

The tiny wisps of hair Bryant was watching shifted as Sooz shook her head no. “It wasn’t your fault Bryant. It’s okay.”

Bryant suddenly sat up. Shifting so he could place his left palm flat on the floor behind Sooz’s back. Although she was looking into the fire, he stared at her neck, down her back and at the shadows dancing on the side of her face.

“It probably was,” he barely whispered into her ear. Sooz had been so enraptured by the fire that she obviously hadn’t noticed Bryant now perched just behind her. She jumped when she heard his deep voice in her ear and as she turned to look at him; her face was mere inches from his.

“I…”

“You’re beautiful. She’s jealous.” Bryant murmured. His eyes traveled from hers, down her cheek and further down her body. Every nerve in Soozie’s body came to life.

God, what do I say to that, she wondered. Why does he have to be so close to me? Please don’t let him move away. Her mind flip-flopped. Why does he have to be so handsome? Why am I taking to myself?

“Thank you,” Soozie barely managed to whisper. Her mind was reeling and she didn’t think it was due to the single beer she had consumed. Ever since Bryant had held her and admitted he was afraid of losing her, Soozie had found herself suddenly envisioning more with him. Of course the voices of her doctors also rang in her head, warning her not to begin any relationships until her life was more on track.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Bryant whispered.

Soozie could only nod as she choked out, “You’re not.”

“I did.” He hoarsely admitted. Bryant was referring to earlier, at the prom when Soozie had run off. But that seemed so long ago now; at least to Soozie it did. As Soozie gazed into Bryant’s eyes, she could care less about his actions earlier, for now.

For the first time Soozie didn’t feel left out of life. Instead of feeling as an outsider or some sort of freak, Soozie thought she was recognizing the sensation of falling for a man. It scared the hell out of her. Twice she opened her mouth, twice nothing came out.

Bryant smiled. Gently he turned his intense gaze towards the fire. If he meant to ease back on the sparks flying between them, Soozie hated to tell him; it didn’t work. Staring at Bryant’s fire lit profile only fueled Soozie’s already crazy ideas.

What will I do if he kisses me? Why won’t he kiss me? Oh God he’s waiting for me to make the first move. I can’t do this. I don’t remember first moves. Oh God I shouldn’t be staring, dear lord help me he’s so beautiful.

Over and over Soozie’s eyes swept Bryant’s face. On and on the thoughts rattled through her mind. The odd, burning desire to belong to someone hit her with such ferocity that she couldn’t even control her own breathing.

“Now who’s staring at whom?” Bryant teased. He didn’t look at Soozie, choosing instead to keep his eyes riveted to the dancing flames.

“You didn’t kiss me” Soozie blurted out. To her horror, Bryant’s breath caught in his throat. Slowly he raised his glass to his lips.

“No,” He whispered just before he gulped down half of the amber liquid.

Oh dear God what have I done, why did I say that? Soozie’s mind screamed. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. She wanted to feel his body warmly against hers as it had been during their dancing, and yet she was frozen where she was.

She’d have kept staring at him had his arm and hand not slid from it’s original position about four inches behind Soozie, to where she suddenly felt them pressed against her spine. Although Bryant was still resting the palm of his hand on the floor, now from his wrist up the entire length of his arm, he held it firmly against her back.

With a gushing exhale, Soozie leaned heavily against him. Now her cheek rested gently on Bryant’s shoulder. As soon as she got comfortable, she again looked up to his profile. He stared into his glass, although he shifted enough so that his arm now encircled her from behind.

Change subject’s Soozie. Find something else, anything else to speak of, to look at, to do…or you will kiss him and ruin everything. She thought wildly as she fought against reaching up and touching his jaw.

Soozie looked towards the fire and only then did she realize the music had stopped playing.

Sitting upright again, Soozie quickly leaned over to the portable stereo. “This is Drake’s right?” she asked rhetorically. Flipping open the lid of the CD player she nodded and closed it once more. In a few quick depressions, Soozie had the cd turned on and queued to the song she loved on the Scott Stapp CD.

Soozie was moving back against Bryant’s arm when the first notes of the song, Broken began.

Bryant gasped aloud. Soozie snuggled against his shoulder.

“I love this song.” She whispered.

Bryant’s wide eyes turned to hers and his voice was no more then a hoarse rasp. “Did he tell you this was my favorite?”

“No,” she whispered sincerely.

Scott Stapp’s voice rang out through the cabin,

“Do you know

What it feels like to be broken and used,

Scared and confused,

Yes I know

What it feels like to be broken and used

Scared and confused…”

Bryant didn’t saw a word as he gazed into her eyes. He wanted to kiss her. They both wanted it, but the sad, solemn, exchanged look of understanding between the two of them prevented it. Instead, Bryant slowly, while keeping Sooz safely tucked in his arm, lay back against the pile of throw pillows. Soozie instantly snuggled deeply into his embrace.

She doesn’t know who she is but I’m falling in love with her. His heart ached. Bryant’s eyes closed as Soozie’s soft voice sang in a tiny whisper against his neck;

“Do you know,

What it feels like

To be broken and used

Scared and used“

Yes I know

Yes I know

Yes I know….

I’m broken, I’m broken, I’m broken…”

As Bryant’s arms tucked deeply around Sooz, he allowed himself the luxury of resting his lips against her forehead. For the first time ever, Bryant sang aloud. It was in a whisper, just like Sooz, but he was singing nonetheless.

They never realized whose tears began falling first; nor did they care. But as Sooz and Bryant laid in each others arms, feeling emotions they always hid from the rest of the world, one thing was certain – they were now more then friends.

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Filed under: Forgotten Freedoms, NaNo, NaNoWriMo 2006, Novel Chapters, Romance, Romance writing

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